Excerpt from, "The shark that ate Tommy Shoalhaven"

On a spring morning of cloudless blue sky in Western Australia, a teenage boy is attacked in the waters off Cottesloe Beach by a massive great white shark, so beginning an oceanic odyssey.

Two years later, as another great white is the suspected culprit for a series of attacks along the same stretch of coastline, two local marine biologists think they see a pattern to the carnage and hatch a crazy plan of their own. But they’ll need some help.

Are you ready to enter the water?

A brief excerpt...

Nathan, at 26, was two years younger than Brian and both of them had been nowhere near the water on the day Tommy was taken, two years before. It still felt like yesterday in lots of ways. The mood around the club after that day was dreadful. People were fearful, disappointed and bitterly angry that they couldn’t participate in their respective sports – clean, upstanding and outdoorsy sports that highlighted both strength and spirit in a person. It was never discussed openly but this was the fact that irked people the most. This was their beach, their strip of water, and how dare some animal come in and just take one of them when it felt like it?

What the shark did was considered to be an immoral aberration – not evil, exactly, but close – and many took it very personally. But time is a cure-all and despite the near-miss with that bloke last year, it was only over the past six months or so that people had started to swim and paddle again with the same enthusiasm as before. Talk of sharks and big dangerous sharks, especially, was secretly frowned upon as being negative, although most club members couldn’t let it out of their minds completely. How could they? Tommy had been killed right here – right out the front – and how lucky had that bloke been, rushed in the shallows like that, last year? But, powering close to the coast on water that was milky-grey and as quiet as a churchyard made some things easy to forget.

‘Okay Nath’, let’s go mate,’ Brian encouraged his training partner. Nathan replied with a sharp, ‘Yep.’

During the first couple of circuits they’d talked intermittently about work, the club, the girls at the club and what they had planned for the weekend, but with a lap to go both men were panting hard and working harder. They had perfect ski conditions and the only sounds were the slap of paddle-on-water and their heavy breathing. They could see the bottom easily enough when they took the time to look. Nathan enjoyed the flecks of black reef that skirted beneath them as a tangible measure of their velocity. It felt good to be out there, although that would have changed had they known that, for the past twenty minutes, they were being stalked and analysed from beneath the surface.

Brian was paddling on the beachside of Nathan, only a few metres to his right, when the edge of his peripheral vision captured a rush of black beneath him that couldn’t have been reef. The giant shark rushed up at him, smashed into his shiny white surf-ski. In the most horrific moment of his life Brian was tossed into the air like a discarded doll with the vivid picture in his mind of a huge great white with the front half of his ski in its mouth. His world unravelled. In slow motion, he willed himself not to fall back into the water with the beast that was about to bite him in half. Winded and panic stricken, he hit the water at the same time as Nathan who fell off his ski when the shark crashed across his bow. Both men were now in the water with their greatest living nightmare....

####

More coming soon!

the eBook will be available at.... 

Apple iBookstore (for ipad)

Amazon (for Kindle)

Barnes and Noble (for Nook)

Reader Store (for Sony Reader)

Kobo

Copia

Gardners

Baker and Taylor

eBookPie

Hardcopy via Amazon and Barnes & Noble...

love hock !

Barack, Baby Names etc etc

Yes,

Welcome Sportsfans to yet another week in the life of The Markets, specifically the stall that sells the book, "Why shouldn't I call my son Clint?", and that is now available on iphone/Androids.

We begin today with a rather lovely lady who was bereft of words after reading what her name theory suggested about her personality..

Libby: Bipolar. Be careful.

Mmmm....hello again Libby and how do you do? It's true; many people read the 'Libby' story and are flaggerghasted at how accurate it is, but I must say it is therefore a delight to meet an exception to the rule. I think.

From left to right, we soon had Alexandra, Cailen, Sue, Kim and Pamela arrive on the scene. Bloody funny all round, to be honest. Alexandra wasn't exactly delighted with her story from the app and the book....

Alexandra: "Where's my pony, mother? I WANT MY PONY!!'

Enough said, really, and the look on her face says it all. Hello Alexandra!! xx

Sue, at the head of the pack in the red hair led the charge and took no prisoners on her estimation of the book. I'm not surprised really.

Sue: Sue is the sort of woman that will buy a rabbit infested shithole of a property and spend the next 40 years transforming it into an award winning example of re-claiming of native lands, of reforestation and of environmentalism. Thankyou Sue.


As I say, thank you Sue.

Now, below we have the beautiful Gaenna, who up until this blog entry didn't exist in either the book or the Name Guru app. Gaenna, here is your name theory that will be in the app come next update, happening soon.......

Gaenna: Like the male Einar, Gaenna rhymes with '"When do you think you're gonna'?" but this girl never trained in martial arts, and she never learned how to kill a man with a single forefinger jab to the neck. However, Gaenna probes and looks and thinks and smiles and thinks some more, and then arrives at the solution with a unique kind of grace and energy. Does that make sense?

By the way, in one of those weird modern phenomenons, Gaenna's middle name is K. As in, like Special K. just K.

Noel, pictured right, read his name theory, had a laugh, looked at me and says, "Yep. I've done that heaps."

From the book and the Name Guru app....

Noel: It happens to men more than women I think, but ‘Noel’ is the name of the rather tragic splash that occurs whenever a mobile phone is accidentally dropped into the dunny while a person is taking a piss.

By the way, I'm trying to get Barack Obama's name theory to him. let me know if you can help.....

Barack: The smooth walkin' black man with a big sack. He ain't no hack, so you won't need to watch his back, an' all he really needs is some marines to go on the attack. "Attack who?" you ask. He stops and looks at you evenly, ensures he's got your attention and then says, "Fear. That's what we need to attack."

So be it, Young Barack, but you don't need marines, brother, 'cause all you need is love. Amen/Inshallah xx

fascinating universe, what.

www.nameguruapp.com

see you at the markets, or on Noosa Community Radio, Monday arvo's from 4-6pm. 101.3Fm if you're into live streaming....

love hock

Does your name influence your personality?

Greetings sportsfans,

It's mid February here in sunny Noosa and "Why shouldn't i call my son Clint?" rolls along. A lot of Clints have visited the Eumundi markets lately, and I'm gratified and delighted, as ever, that not a few of them took with them copies of the book. You cant beat a Clint with a sense of humour, I reckon.

Several people have skipped the book entirely and gone straight to the 'Nam Guru' app, available for all Apple and Androids. The romantic compatibility function is the thing they love the most, so I hear. But I digress.....

Some of the recent visitors to the stall at the Eumundi markets....above left to right we have, John(the boulder out near the edge of town), Christine(CEO/author), Pamela(picked up a nice Mercedes from her divorce), Peter(goodluck with that, Pete!), Shirley(lives for bubble baths), James(never done a hard days work in his life!!) and Paula(beautiful but oh so close to catastrophe!) .

A happy bunch - thank you!

Now, Justin and Monique arrived (left). According to the book and the Name Guru app, Justin is the name given to what happens to a bowl of cereal if left too long. eg- it's a soggy disaster. Blow me down with a feather when he told me that he especially LOVES SOGGY CEREAL!! Justin: you're a legend. Monique was equally delighted.

Monique: The living embodiment of a chook raffle.

As I told them, I never wrote the book as a baby name book but cripes, pregnant people love it. For the record, in the 'Name Guru' app compatibility stakes, Justin and Monique record the following score.....

10/10 !!

Frequency of sexual relations(according to the app): Every 45 minutes. tantric, usually.

Never a dull moment, as i say.

Now, Louise and Scarlett.....look at these two, will you. Scarlett is the daughter, and according to both book and app, she will turn into a vixen from head to tail! She'll be a passionate girl in both love and hate and will delight in wearing bright colours in her predominantly red hair.

And check out the young dude on the right watching the whole thing. No idea who he is, but he adds to photo perfectly...

Then of course, we had the chicks arrive!!

Left to right, Caitlin (the train crash, Samara (the tribal bonfire in PNG), Carol (the gentle and good-natured Loggerhead turtle) and Victoria (the proud horse.)

Indeed, Victoria, I interviewed a horse once for the Name Guru app.......http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=e7MAlD9AS80

Thank you girls.......and you look nothing like the 'Victoria' in the interview, Victoria!

Later, the father and daughter team of Warren and Holly showed up. Dad was abit flummoxed at the description of Warren in the book. Indeed, he began to turn red in the face with either excitment or anger - I wasn't sure...

Warren: A variety of ferret, Warren is pure white in colour when he's clean but, generally, he's a dull shitty brown, he smells odd and he bites.

Holly, on the other hand, was all smiles because, basically, Holly is skilled, loved and loving, and she can do anything that she bloody well likes! Amen Holly! Hard to believe he's your dad!! (...just kidding!)

thank you, you two. I hope you're enjoying the book!

Last but not least, check out this rabble, will you? From left to right......Jack(the phenomenon of a parcel arriving in the post from a good friend- although modern school teachers disagree, Jack), Jacob(a possible Baptist minister), Michael (catholic school boy, political fundraiser, engineer, etc, etc), Ebony (back) - very energetic and possible parana in her next reincarnation), Alexandra ("Where's my pony, mother? I want my pony??!!!"), Kate (ahh....the glorious breathe you take before diving into a perfect blue sea), Rebecca (the gifted intellectual who might be a racehorse wearing blinkers and finally, Emily (the table manners world champion!). somehow i doubt that, Emily!

What a team, eh?

Until next time at the markets, good luck and god bless.

www.nameguruapp.com

And all sunshine coast residents can catch me Monday afternoons on Noosa Community, 101.3FM from 4-6pm.

It's a PARTY FOR ONE!!!!!!

love to all,

Hock xoxo

Name Guru app and a man called Clint!

Yes, goodafternoon sportfans,

and what tremendous conditions we've had lately. Remember, of course, that your name, the sound of your name, is reacted to in a very particular way by the world, and it's that reaction that you walk into as you evolve.

You don't believe me?

This is Maureen. She arrived at my stall, here in Eumundi, where I sell, "Why shouldn't i call my son Clint?" and she was flummoxed at her name theory.

This is a little convoluted but you'll be okay.

From the book, and the Name Guru app.....

Maureen: See the male George.

For a start, Maureen read that and exploded with something between pure disgust and raging good humour. I'll explain why in a tic. So, anyway, she went to the boy section to look up George...

George: Plonk goes the dollop of cream on top of the apple pie.

At this piont, Maureen began to laugh hard, bending over and using my table to brace herself against.

"George is the name of my ex-husband," she said. "He was bloody useless!"

I laughed with her.

"How did you know that?" she asked me.

As usual, I shrugged. "I don't Maureen. I repeat the name and these images about the personality come into my head. I don't know where from."

'Well bugger me," she said.

Not long after Maureen, these likely lads turned up. David, on the left, and Paul. Looks like true love to me.

And yes, my name is David, also. As a little side exercise, if you're bored, have a try and writing your own name theory......anyway

David: The heavy D's at both ends weigh his name down like the legs of a Bass Strait oil platform, and to this end he may be too deep and sensitive for his own good. However, the "V" in the middle provides a powerful launchpad for virtually anything. We wish him well.

Paul: Paul is an interesting persona. A polite man whose depths sometimes take years to see, he's intelligent enough, normal enough and he almost never falls ill. To maintain a perfect balance in his life, however, he must perform some semi-evil act every six months. Paul is a deceptively tall name and without some kind of dirty little secret to keep him real, he'd just topple over.

David says to me, "Should I keep the hoola-hoop in the photo?"

Paul and I laughed at him immediately.

'You must," I told him.

Thank you gentlemen.

Now, one of my bloody idols. Jake. How many people have I met at the markets? I don't know - thousands. At least several thousand, probably. And the people I love the most are those whose 'name theories' are potentially challenging, for they're the ones who see the reason I wrote this book, now the Name Guru app.

All of us need to laugh at ourselves. No question.

Jake: Jake has more pornography in his bedroom than any other male. He was once caught masturbating by his mother, who burst into his room to find him standing over an upturned TV with his trousers around his ankles, and with Jake the Snake in his hand. He didn't return to the house for days and, yes, he did eventually move out. He now wears a flannel shirt.

And in a separate story, that's about the coolest hat that's come past my stall. You're a legend Jake. Thanks for stopping by and I hope "Why shouldn't i call my son Clint?" is treating you well.

Now, this girl's name is Gai Lemon. Yes, she's gay. She discovered that very early, but only came out when she was 28. (Thank you society for being such a stick in the bloody mud!)

She's a celebrant these days. At least, I'm pretty sure she is (you are, gai!!). I lost your card!

Gai: Gai is not all that feminie and she is quite bare-knuckled about it all but if you want to get something done in a hurry, and done properly, then you could do a lot worse than getting her on board.

She was a bloody gem, and yes, she laughed hard on reading her name theory.

What a weird and wonderful life it is, huh?

www.nameguruapp.com is where you can find the app, for iphones/Android. Or you can get the book from me, or from Amazon.

As is it, I'll be at the Eumundi markets wed and sat until my life ends. I'll see you there.....

love hock xx

Doug the moose.

Greetings sportsfans,

And what a tournament we have. The book, "Why shouldn't I call my son Clint?" is why we're here, now called the Name Guru.

And come, they do, to the Eumundi Markets. My horse. This gentlemen is Doug. His wife read out the Doug name theory, she looked at me like I was a ghost. She showed it to Doug. He flushed red and looked at me like I was a ghost.

From the book(and the app)....

Doug: The name of the great moose head that's hanging on the wall. He's great to talk to when you come home, pissed as a mute.

"I've got a moose head on my wall at home," he said.

His wife stared at me. "He's right. He does."

I stared back, disbelieving. "....you're names Doug, and you've got a moose head hanging on your wall?"

He nodded at me, smiling. At least, I think it was a smile.

"How the hell did you end up with a bloody moose head on your wall?"

"Ah, I used to hunt."

I nodded, and there endeth the Doug lesson.

Amen,

and blessed be the animals.

www.nameguruapp.com

Name Guru app in Texas

Morning sportsfans, and what a tremendous life.......

Here is the latest from the markets...namely that involving "Why shouldn't I call my son Clint?", now of course, the application called 'Name Guru'.
Early on the crowd was volatile and results unpredictable, and even early-on it seemed it was a day for people wanting to know if I could guess their name.
'Betcha' cant guess mine?" this bloke says to me, cocky as all hell.
"Sure I can," I said. "....Jim."
"Hah! Wrong. Go on - guess again...."
I knew I was screwed. "Nah, bugger it. What's your name?"
He looked at me, steely-eyed. ".......Dixie."
"How many Dixies you met?"
"One. Me."


Thirty minutes later a 'Jim' did appear.

Jim: Option A: Brainwashed by society to the conformities of what constitutes a strong man in a rural environment, Jim, while a pleasant and generous individual, is incapable of dealing with highly complex issues. He is a simple fellow at his core, so maybe he's lucky that he lives a simple life.
Option B: Good bloke.




Thankyou Jim........




Next of course we had the dastardly trio from Melbourne? Is that right? From left to right, Maria, Rosa and Maria.

Maria: Her mum taught her to cook and that's great, but that isn't one five hundreth of the story. And she loves with all her might.

Rosa: Rosa is short in stature, of Italian descent and she has beautiful eyes. However, DO NOT anger her unless you feel like being on the receiving end of a beating. (Hello Rosa, you look wonderful, by the way!xx)



Maria, left, grabbed me and says, "Do you know, my mum did teach me to cook?..."

What delicious gals. thankyou....





Sarah Jessica Parker, I mean, Audrey, on the left arrvied with Ian. Two of my favourite name theories from the Name Guru app. Sadly, not many Audreys exist in the wild now, and I discussed with Ian, he is possibly the youngest Ian in Australia.....

Audrey: An English Literature graduate who lost her virginity way too late. But that's okay because she now makes a wonderful older lover.

Ian: The sound of a teaspoon being droppped onto a tiled floor. The ungianly twang is noise without being painful and more often it leaves a mess, but did you ever stop and study the shape of the pattern of the mess? Check it out next time. You might be surprised to discover the artist that lies within.

Yep. Looked like love to me.....(if you want that app, you two, head to www.nameguruapp.com)




Now, Robert, (on the bottom) congratulations!! Bloody congratulations! Why? Because too few 'Roberts' retain a sense of houmour on reading their name theory....

Robert: Borish.

Ladies and gentlemen, Robert read his name theory and laughed so hard and with so much heart that it reverberated throughout the markets. Honestly. So bloody bravo sir!!

Luke, above, didn't mind it either.

Luke: Luke exists out there somewhere between a fluke and a stroke of genius. He courts disaster with a grin on his face but he can easily fall into a heap if the wind changes direction.




Quite early on Saturday, this duo rock up and he too muttered something about trying to guess his name. I didn't even have to think hard about it.

"Richard," I said.
And all his bravado was vanished from his face. Richard it was. Goodafternoon to you Richard. But your wife?? Is it Sandra???? Or Alison??? (I lost that page of my bloody notepad!)


Richard: The knight in shining armour with an ill-fitting helmet that badly impedes his vision 80% of the time. He rides a big black stallion not dissimilar to that ridden by Cassandra, although his task of riding anywhere quickly is made far more difficult because the horse continually tries to throw him for its personal amusement.


God bless you Richard!


Below, naturally, we have Kate and Todd. Good sports, for I grabbed them from the crowd due to their spectacular look. A lovely couple nonetheless, and arguably the most 'unconventional' Kate ever born.....

Kate: I'd check for rocks first but Kate is the name of the breathe you take before diving into a perfect blue sea. If it's a good day you'll see the rocks, no worries, and if it's a really good day, she'll take your breathe away. No question.

Todd: Todd rhymes with Oops. Not in a catastrophic way, mind you, more in the, I-forgot-to-feed-the-cat-but-now-that-I've-remembered-I-will, kind of way.

....dont believe the hype Todd!




But I'd be bloody careful of Blanche, though!(From the Name Guru app...)

Blanche: Blanche lives with her dripping jewellery at a sea-side mansion at one of the 'finer' locales inside Sydney harbour, and she's gruff like that old troll that lives under the bridge and eats children.


She read her name theory, twice, looked back to me, confused. "What??" she screamed.
Blanche, god bless you too! xx





And last but not least - fair dinkum. I'm sitting at my stall, minding my own business, when this maelstrom arrives in the form of the stunning looking family below. The story goes like this- Stu and Blair(parents) live in Dallas, Texas. He's an Aussie, she's American, but Stu's mum sent them "Why shouldn't I call my son Clint?" last year when Blair was pregnant again. Evidently they consulted the book directly to name their second son.
"Here you go," Blair says to me. "His name is Rowan, and you named him!"

(Stu, Xavier, Rowan, Blair)

Rowan: Patient and contained, Rowan is the sort of bloke who makes an excellent professional photographer.

Xavier (his older brother): A private school boy and all round nice guy. He won't set the world on fire but he won't bore us to death either. Probably.

Stu: Soft like a sponge, Stu can deal with any sitution. He's probably the most adaptable and malleable of all the male species and a better absorber of shock or strangeness does not exist. One day he'll be canonised and we will then know him as St. Stu. And rightly so.

Blair: Tough on the surface, sensitive in the middle, Blair does what it takes and in a quielty determined way, (bullshit, in this case) even though her methods and her dreams seemingly unrealistic.

Yeah, I know people use the thing as a baby-name book but it still and will always, freak me out. Very humbling. But, they invited me to Dallas to come stay, and for the grand USA radio tour I think I will. Plus, I got my mash-potato recipe from a restaurant in Dallas, so that alone is worth going back for.

What a wonderful life.

www.nameguruapp.com

love hock

Name Guru app, "Why shouldn't I call my son Clint?", Eumundi markets....

Good afternoon sports fans everywhere, and welcome to another days rousing competition, involving the book, "Why shouldn't I call my son Clint?" - now the app called Name Guru.

Quickly out of the blocks was a dashing young lass called, Beatrice. True, Beatrice looks happier than her description in the book/app, and that's a good thing...

Beatrice: Beatrice hasn't had an orgasm for about 15 years, not even by herself. Not that it matters, really, because she's passed all that bullshit.

Somehow i imagined a Beatrice to be way older. anyhows......

Now, we arrive at some fated legends, below.

Margaret, on the left, and Jude. Margaret laughed hard at her description because right now she has 6 Border collies at her house......

Margaret: An Australian sheep dog. A Border Collie. A legend. Loved by all and feared by sheep. What would we do without her? What would Australia do without her??

Jude (holding the book) seemed like she'd take no crap. Indeed....

Jude:Jude works at the pub where she pulls a mean beer. Laughs alot. Fights hard.

Making a hard charge near the midway point we had three more goddesses. From left to right, Lola, Helena and Sammy.

Lola: Tone deaf to the tune of 100%. She thinks the cats howling in protest are actually singing with her, but you have to love her passion for the creative cause.

Helena:Helena is the name of the sound produced by two large, smooth chunks of limestone beign rubbed together. For such a harsh activity the sound produced is surprisingly exotic and calming. "Hey hey...." the noise will tell you, soothingly. "....it will be alright." (Just be careful not to put your fingers in between them.)

Joanna: Joanna was screamed at by her parents as a child quite a bit, so these days you can't blame her for being off in her hown little world for most of the time.

Ari, left, who looks more like a Neville, was amazed that he found his name at all....

Ari: His entire name is off the ground like an Osprey at full tilt and this boy, therefore, can do just about anything and make it look pretty easy. In which case he needs our congratulations.

Ari, naturally, is married to April, just out of screen, who declined to have her photo taken during competition.

April: April will od whatever she can to ensure that she and her family always give a good impression of themselves, and regardless if she is the daughter, the mother, the aunty of the grandmother.

I'm pretty sure April had the same tattoo on her back...

Then of course we had the young stallion, Ross.

Ross: TAKE ALL PRECAUTION!!! Keep a tranquilliser gun trained on him at all times, even if he appears tame, because he might be faking it. You just never know.


So, would you trust that man, pictured right????

Above us we have Mick's arm, tattoed just so, in case he turns up drunk at some international customs office, forgetting where is and how he got there.

Love your work Mick....

Mick: An Australian icon. He's no rocket scientist - indeed, only physical things that he can touch make sense to him - but his symbol, the fist with the raised thumb, belongs on a flag somewhere. (Note: He detests being called Mike....)

Lastly, as we near the finish line, the delectable, Kim, Lisa and Sammy.

Kim: Kim actually holds a record in the Kingdom for possessing the greatest ration of:

Complexity of Nature/Name Length.

Indeed, Kim is sensual, she is worldly, she is determined and, yes, she is complex.

Lisa: Lisa is supremely normal and often quite beautiful but better than that, she endeavours to allow herself the freedom of passionate reactions in her life. (Note: Having said that, if aliens abduct the English-speaking world's most charasmatic, mysterious and sensual woman as some kind of culture-enhancement project, Lisa probably wont be the one.)

...personally, I think that's bullshit.

and finally, Sammy, who technically doesnt exist just yet....

Sam: It has been almost impossible for Sam to shake the Tom Boy image but it's made her an outdoorsy sort of person who is smart on her feet. She's quite gifted at orienteering (and shopping, I might add) and it helps that she has an excellent sense of smell, although she doesnt take to the dainty types too well- be they man or woman.

And as the sun sets on another day at Eumundi, it seems that sport was the winner, dont you agree????

www.nameguruapp.com

see you out there for next weeks mission. and who will we meet??......

love hock x