Sunday, May 20, 2012

Another market day, life, death, blindness, greatness, etc

 Hello ladies and gentlemen,

And welcome to another segment from the markets, which have been unaffected despite the turmoil in Greece and Europe. Indeed, not much has changed. Aside, of course, from the wonderful blend of weirdos that show up at my stall, here at the Eumundi markets. 'Why shouldn't I call my son Clint?', the book, is the reason we're here today, and fine bunch we're confronted with.
On the right, from left to right, we have, Katie, Linda, Sandra, Kyle (the name of the facial expression given to a man who has just been kicked in the nuts), Vanitta, Jane and Warren ( looking away, and i dont blame him.)
According to the book, and the Name Guru app.....

Warren: As a variety of ferret, Warren is pure white in colour when he is clean but, generally, he's a dull shitty brown, he smells odd and he bites. 

 A quick family message now. My cousin, Dani, is married to a crazy South African (when are they not?) called Pook. He goes bike riding, (and in this case, the kind of bike riding where you leap off rocks, fall 20 metres and hope that the top of the gum tree you're falling into will catch you) with the bloke on the right, whose name is Pat. To be honest, he doesnt look like a 'Pat'. His partner Sue, arrived on almost a record day for 'Sue'. i met at least 8 of them. Maybe more. Indeed, is it the most common name in Austrlia for girls over the age of 25? Anyway, it was lovely to 

Yep. Me hard at work.....

The girls, from left to right, Pam, Meril, Elaine, Gail, Lisa, Mel, Kate, Kim, Leisa and another Lisa, there at the end. No, they weren't there in a group, although they kind of look like they should be. No, none of them bought a book, i just like the photo.....
There were a couple of photos I never took, or rather didn't think to take, but I'd like to tell you the story, in case  you're having a day that you think isn't that much fun.... About two weeks ago, the first week of May, give or take, I was at my stall dealing with a stack of people in front of me, when two girls arrived, Phoebe and Fiona. Being totally blind, Fi held Phoebe's arm tight and they stayed at my stall for ages. Laughing bloody hard. I mean, both girls weren't shy, and after two years at the markets, nearly, only a few times can I recall the volume of laughter being similar. Phoebe could barely read aloud her name theory.....

Pheobe: Her father is certifiably insane, which explains why Phoebe is as complicated as she is. So it's not all her fault, classically speaking, but Phoebe is pretty cool. Keep and eye on her if you like, but she'll be fine.

Bloody funny. Likewise, both of them utterly killed themselves with laughter at Fiona's description.
Fi: "Get out of my way!" she barks, heading for the bar/party/car keys/front of the queue/fridge/bedroom/spa/diving platform/dance floor/anything.

After recovering somewhat, she tilts her head in my direction, people and noise all around us and says, "Yeah! I'm in AA, too!"
Evidently, she just had her hair done, which is why she liked Fiona....

Fiona:There are no in-betweens with Fiona. Either she's plain and a bit dull, or she is incredibly sexy, ambitious, charasmatic and occasionally stressed. Regardless of which one she is, however, Fiona would go to the hairdresser every day if she could. Outside her bad days - of which there are at least five every week - she's surprisingly chilled out.

The following market day, Wendy and Michael ( ???I think...) arrived at my stall and Wendy was in raptures from start to finish. She couldn't believe her name theory, and how hilariously accurate it was....

Wendy: Like a shower that seems to have a personality all to itself, Wendy is scattered, lively and occasionally slightly awkward.

Her and Michael (catholic school boy........if it was memory is a little vague here, and I cant find my notes for the day..) stayed for a while, checked out a stack of names and left. they didn't buy a book and that was okay. But, having thought about, Wendy suddenly appeared through some people back at my stall ten minutes or so later, determined to take one away.
"We're having drinks later with a friend of ours who has terminal cancer. She's got a great sense of humour and will love this book," Wendy said.
The ladies name is Peta, and apparently it is melanoma. I asked Wendy how Peta was coping, how she was dealing with the notion that it was all about to come to some kind of 'end', and she smiled. She said she was great, and dealing with it brilliantly.

These are the moments I love the most - knowing that the book is out there making people laugh hard.

And for the record....

Peta: All of us have issues of some variety and Peta's stem from having to repeatedly prove her feminity to the world. Not that she gives a shit, really, but the result is a tough and independent hombre.

Amen to that. And don't forget the sunscreen.

Love hock xx

I'll see you streaming live on air at, Mondays 4pm East Australia time....

Thursday, May 3, 2012

Excerpt from, "The shark that ate Tommy Shoalhaven"

On a spring morning of cloudless blue sky in Western Australia, a teenage boy is attacked in the waters off Cottesloe Beach by a massive great white shark, so beginning an oceanic odyssey.
Two years later, as another great white is the suspected culprit for a series of attacks along the same stretch of coastline, two local marine biologists think they see a pattern to the carnage and hatch a crazy plan of their own. But they’ll need some help.
Are you ready to enter the water?

A brief excerpt...

Nathan, at 26, was two years younger than Brian and both of them had been nowhere near the water on the day Tommy was taken, two years before. It still felt like yesterday in lots of ways. The mood around the club after that day was dreadful. People were fearful, disappointed and bitterly angry that they couldn’t participate in their respective sports – clean, upstanding and outdoorsy sports that highlighted both strength and spirit in a person. It was never discussed openly but this was the fact that irked people the most. This was their beach, their strip of water, and how dare some animal come in and just take one of them when it felt like it?
What the shark did was considered to be an immoral aberration – not evil, exactly, but close – and many took it very personally. But time is a cure-all and despite the near-miss with that bloke last year, it was only over the past six months or so that people had started to swim and paddle again with the same enthusiasm as before. Talk of sharks and big dangerous sharks, especially, was secretly frowned upon as being negative, although most club members couldn’t let it out of their minds completely. How could they? Tommy had been killed right here – right out the front – and how lucky had that bloke been, rushed in the shallows like that, last year? But, powering close to the coast on water that was milky-grey and as quiet as a churchyard made some things easy to forget.
‘Okay Nath’, let’s go mate,’ Brian encouraged his training partner. Nathan replied with a sharp, ‘Yep.’
During the first couple of circuits they’d talked intermittently about work, the club, the girls at the club and what they had planned for the weekend, but with a lap to go both men were panting hard and working harder. They had perfect ski conditions and the only sounds were the slap of paddle-on-water and their heavy breathing. They could see the bottom easily enough when they took the time to look. Nathan enjoyed the flecks of black reef that skirted beneath them as a tangible measure of their velocity. It felt good to be out there, although that would have changed had they known that, for the past twenty minutes, they were being stalked and analysed from beneath the surface.
Brian was paddling on the beachside of Nathan, only a few metres to his right, when the edge of his peripheral vision captured a rush of black beneath him that couldn’t have been reef. The giant shark rushed up at him, smashed into his shiny white surf-ski. In the most horrific moment of his life Brian was tossed into the air like a discarded doll with the vivid picture in his mind of a huge great white with the front half of his ski in its mouth. His world unravelled. In slow motion, he willed himself not to fall back into the water with the beast that was about to bite him in half. Winded and panic stricken, he hit the water at the same time as Nathan who fell off his ski when the shark crashed across his bow. Both men were now in the water with their greatest living nightmare....


More coming soon!

the eBook will be available at.... 

Apple iBookstore (for ipad)
Amazon (for Kindle)
Barnes and Noble (for Nook)
Reader Store (for Sony Reader)
Baker and Taylor

Hardcopy via Amazon and Barnes & Noble...

love hock !